A Few Thoughts on Being Laid Off From the University, Which I Have Loyally Served for Four and a Half Years

1. It took a great deal of willpower not to punch a Schlaples customer in the face today because she was wearing a GEO pin. Congratulations, graduate students: thanks to your November strike, you guys get raises while the staff that supports you gets kicked to the sidewalk. Fuckers.

2. In my first job (of three total) with the University, I was being groomed for a cozy administration job come graduation. (Said grooming was being done by a lunatic, but still.) One of the many, many, MANY* reasons I left this job was that I didn’t like the look of that future. I figured I would rather be creative and homeless than sell out for a salary and a parking space. Note to prospective employers: for more than $25,000, I could be talked out of the parking space.

3. Did anyone else read somewhere last year that college towns were the place to be during a recession? I would like to find the person/people who said that, so as to punch them appropriately.

4. If there were to be a silver lining to losing one’s job, it would be that this gives me a conveniently prepackaged deadline. If I don’t have a real job by May, Schlaples will be all I’ll have. And there is a clause in my contract for continued existence that forbids that possibility.

5. I’ll have to find someone else to talk to about arcane / nerdy television, movies, and literature, to replace my boss. Who introduced me to Joss Whedon and is the only other human being who has ever agreed that A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius was overrated (my apologies to Eggers fans, but the hype kind of killed it for me).

6. You know, I really only work for about 15-20% of the time that I’m paid to work. The rest of the time is spent dorking about on the internet, or doing work for other people. I really should have foreseen this eventuality.

*There really weren’t that many reasons why I left my first job. My boss bathed in crazy sauce, and they wouldn’t pay me enough to compensate for having to put up with it. That’s pretty much all.

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