As you may recall, a while back I was tricked into filling out a lengthy employee profile only to discover that I was jumping through hoops for a job at Staples in Chicago (I’m giving up on the Schlaples/Staples thing; it’s getting old, and I don’t give a hoot if I get fired for blogging about my employer. In fact, it would be an honor to join the likes of Chez Pazienza). A few weeks ago, in a weak-willed moment of desperation, I half-heartedly applied to the job. I figured I had an in with the company, was definitely qualified, and was not in a position to be turning jobs away.

This morning, I got the standard form rejection email from Staples/Quill. This was not especially interesting, if slightly disheartening; however, the far more significant email had arrived twenty minutes earlier.

Dear Jamie:

Thank you for your interest in employment with, Inc. We enjoyed discussing your background and how it relates to the Editor opportunity.

Although we were impressed with your accomplishments, we have moved forward with an offer to another candidate whose background and experience more closely aligns with this position and the hiring manager’s needs.

Your resume will be kept on file and considered for appropriate opportunities should they become available. Also, please continue to monitor our career opportunities at

We would also like to let you know that Staples is a member of AllianceQ – a partnership of companies collaborating to increase our ability to find talent.

We would like to invite you to join this free and confidential service today. Simply complete your profile and what you desire in a new job, and alliance members will continue to consider you for future positions that match your profile.

To join AllianceQ or for more information, visit:

Again, thank you for considering employment opportunities at


[name redacted]
Recruiter, Staples, Inc.

Please note:

1) I received someone else’s rejection letter.
2) Staples seems to have a bizarre relationship with this Alliance-Q company. It reeks of spam, such that Mail actually flagged it as junk. (Junk, indeed.)
3) Evidently the mismanagement I have witnessed in my store is not limited to the retail functions of Staples.
4) I wasn’t even worthy of an interview? But this Jamie person was, huh?
5) Seriously, they sent me someone else’s rejection letter. How incompetent do you have to be to manage that?

In conclusion: My god, I hate this company with all of my little black heart.

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