Note to Self: Avoid This Job.

SEEKING AN EXPERIENCED WRITER! (Champaign,Chicago, Florida)

Seeking highly talented, experienced writer. I am seeking to publish a book that seeks to explain the connections between science/religion/life. The book will Illustrate how we can better navigate life through a better understanding. “The secret” genre. Basic knowledge of quantum physics, chemistry consciousness/prayer research a plus. Must be able to start work immediately full time commitement [sic] until complete – can provide housing for the writer. Compensation by contract.
Email fax XXX XXX XXXX

* Location: Champaign,Chicago, Florida

Okay, sure, there’s nothing wrong with hiring a ghostwriter to put into eloquent prose all of the deeply intellectual thoughts one might have milling about in one’s large, intellectual brain. And I can understand wanting a ghostwriter who has a basic comprehension of the subject material — for instance, I would probably not hire myself to ghostwrite a novel about our nation’s modern covert ops organizations, as the vast majority of my knowledge therein has been culled from the documentary miniseries Chuck. However, the author* of any purportedly non-fiction, or even semi non-fiction work should likely have some knowledge of the subject material as well, just in case someone like, I don’t know, a book publisher or a talk show host wants to know what the book actually consists of. I for one gleefully anticipate the eventual Oprah interview, wherein she will ask him to describe his theory and he’ll mumble about “chemistry consciousness/prayer research” (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?) before whisper-shouting “LINE!” to his ghostwriter in the wings.

Also: I am spectacularly befuddled by the offer to provide housing and the simultaneous posting in Chicago, Champaign, and FLORIDA. These places are not geographically proximate. Is there an option to move to Florida involved here? Who would pay relocation costs? Are you talking about Florida, the state, or is there another type of Florida in play here, like the towns of Florida, Indiana or Florida, Missouri? Cause nothing sounds more appealing than a live-in working relationship with a person who is incoherently passionate about “chemistry conciousness,” except if that relationship occurs in Missouri.

*I’m admittedly uncertain as to whether this person intends to credit himself with the authorship of the book, or is merely commissioning a work that he will then self-publish. Either way, the English language demands that he be stopped.

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