Some Things I’ll Tell Myself I Will Do Now That I’m Back Down to Part Time Indefinitely

1. Finish Infinite Jest while sitting out on my porch. I’m 356 pages in and I started this thing last August; plus, I’m pretty sure I’m Vitamin D deficient and the weather is too nice to spend all day on my couch with the blinds shut so my neighbors can’t see what embarrassing thing I’m watching on TV. (Hint: It probably involves aliens.)
2. Housewifey things. Possibly while wearing an apron and engaging in mid-day tippling. Bonus points if I can figure out how to wrangle my hair into a beehive.
3. Learn to exercise, now that “I don’t have time, I work 45 hours a week on a berserker schedule” is no longer an excuse. Sidenote: Parents, force your children into sports, or else one day they’ll be 22 years old and consider performing a single sit-up to be an insurmountable task of epic proportions. Chin-ups, I’m pretty sure, are actually impossible and the whole concept is a conspiracy by Hollywood to make me feel insufficient. I only say this because I don’t think I’ve never seen anyone do a chin-up outside of TV and movies.
4. Learn how to write basic code in a few programming languages. This one is pretty random and significantly less likely to happen than the first three, even the beehive one and the sit-up one. I’m not even remotely interested in learning to code, but it seems like the only industry that’s hiring right now is IT.
5. Knit a wicked cape for my dog. Because all dogs need wicked capes.
6. Figure out how to make cheese, and then
7. Figure out how to not eat all of the cheese in one sitting while watching embarrassing TV.

And, of course:

8. Find a job, you damn hippie.

  1. I just read your “about me” on the side and…it sounds like my life exactly, except I haven’t graduated yet. So perhaps I am about to embark on a year of absolute misery. It’s weird because I work at my university’s av dept too!

    I tried to teach myself Java this summer and just got bored with it, then I took a class on Scheme and had to withdraw because I was too dumb. I guess that’s life when you’re a lowly English major. Hope the job search goes well for you (and me)!

    • antoinette jeanine
    • April 20th, 2010

    Well, congratulations on graduating, and let’s hear it for English major solidarity! Have no fear, your mileage will no doubt vary when it comes to the job hunt. I’m pretty sure I did everything wrong that I possibly could: picked the least profitable degree-related field, failed to make enough connections in it, got caught parking illegally during my most important interview…etc., etc.

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