Proven Fact: Onions and Anger Sell Armchairs

This snippet is from a local job ad I spotted this morning.

Sales Career Position. Type “A” Personality, Career Minded.

I know that “Type A” can mean “hard-working and career-obsessed.” But this is what has to say about the defining features of a Type A personality:

* Time Urgency and Impatience, as demonstrated by people who, among other things, get frustrated while waiting in line, interrupt others often, walk or talk at a rapid pace, and are always painfully aware of the time and how little of it they have to spare.
* Free-Floating Hostility or Aggressiveness, which shows up as impatience, rudeness, being easily upset over small things, or ‘having a short fuse’, for example.

Now those are some features I want in a furniture salesman. Oh wait, did I not mention that this job is at the Furniture Store of Madness? This is an example of one of their milder, less Bosch-esque commercials:

I cannot overstate the difficulty of attempting to decipher, at 3 a.m., the association between root vegetables and ottomans. However, I believe that video makes it clear why The Worst Dad Ever wants a Type A personality to work for him. Their selling strategy seems to rely on the implication that if you don’t buy their couches, they will beat you with sticks.

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